Wednesday, May 25, 2005


**WARNING: This blog was written while under the influence of a dangerous combination of energy drinks, Doritos and Tootsie Rolls. This blog could either be brilliant or horrible. And at any given time my stomach or heart could explode, causing a halt in this dispatch. Thank you for your support during this difficult time.**

I don’t not want to talk about how few hours I am getting to sleep every night. And I do not want to talk about the fact that although I’m working 16 hours at one job I still need to come home and work on my freelance design projects because people need their stuff to be pretty, no matter how little sleep I’m getting. And I don’t want to talk about the consequences of mixing Doritos and Toostie Rolls in your stomach.

What I do want to talk about is how high I am off of an energy drink right now. Today on the set we had an energy drink called Crunk!!!. I think that’s how you spell it. I do know for sure that there were three exclamation points in the name. And I’m pretty sure anyone who drinks this beverage is guaranteed to develop at least one nervous twitch for every exclamation point.

Let me do a quick back story on my normal disposition. My normal disposition is like negative three exclamation points. Or maybe just “….…”. When I take care of my young cousin I limit the amount of sugar she eats, so I don’t have the Tasmanian Devil on my hands. But when I was a kid no matter how much sugar I ate my parents still had to come poke me with a stick every once in awhile to make sure I was still alive. So, basically I’m pretty mellow.

Caffeine doesn’t affect me much and I’ve never really tried energy drinks because mellow works for me. (Peer pressure was lost on me, “Wanna try some speed? It’s a great drug.” “I don’t go much over second gear, thanks though.”) But when you are sleep-deprived “mellow” can very quickly turn into “curled up comatose on top of the catering table”. So I started thinking maybe an energy drink would help me from napping on the rubbery chicken. Or it would at least give me the energy to move over to the more comfortable tray of mashed potatoes.

I started thinking this about the time I looked over and saw a case of Crunk!!! sitting on the table next to me. I picked up the drink and read the can to discover that Crunk!!! would revitalize me both mentally and physically. The name of the beverage made me a bit unsure, but I was quite sure that I could use some exclamation points in my brain – so I drank it. It tasted like a weird combination of apple juice and crack. After I finished the can I sat back and waited to be mentally revitalized. Sadly it did not happen. Or if it did happen then I must have started out reeeeeaaaaaaalllly unvital.

Since the initial Crunk!!! didn’t affect me I assumed it didn’t matter that all I could find to drink with dinner was another Crunk!!!. You know what they say about assuming. It will make a twitching - yet sleep deprived - Speedy Gonzales out of me, not you. Ay carumba.

I just got off the phone with my friend whom I nicknamed Chipper Jen. Cause she is uh, chipper as hell. The woman’s head could be on fire and she’d still find a way to be positive about it. And she’d still find a way to talk on and on about it too. Our normal conversations consist of her talking without spaces between her words and me throwing in the occasional sarcastic comment when she is forced to pause to take a breath and/or simply passes out from a peppy-induced brain aneurysm. Tonight our conversation involved her saying, “Oh my God I think you just talked for 15 straight minutes. You usually just say, “uh huh” a few times, make fun of me a few times and then say “peace out”. What’s up with you?”

“Crunk. With three exclamation points.”

“Punk’d? With Ashton Kutcher?”

“Crunk. With three exclamation points.”

“What the does Crunk even mean and what has it done to your brain?”

“It revitalized my brain.”

“Well, it’s hurting my brain.”

Jen wondered what the word Crunk means (and I have nothing better to do while I wait for my leg to stop twitching) so I went to the online urban dictionary ( to find out. The site says Crunk (a) is a mixture of the words ‘crazy’ and ‘drunk’, or (b) the word in Yiddish means “sick”, or (c) did I just read correctly that the Jewish people influence urban slang? I can’t wait for P. Diddy to start mixing the word “Oy” into his songs.

You must be careful not to confuse ‘Crunk’ with ‘Krump’. ‘Krump’ “involved fast, seizure-like dancing”. Although I bet Crunk!!! could help you Krump. I know I’m so hyper right now I could do three or four dance routines. And at least two of them would be from Fiddler on the Roof. (That’s a joke based on the before mentioned Jewish influence on urban culture. I’ll try to explain the difficult jokes to you people whose brains haven’t been revitalized.)

I just wrote this blog in like 5 minutes. Holy stream of consciousness Mr. Fiddler.


Chrissy said...

This is quite clever and funny. However, as I have zero energy due to my lack of Crunk!!!, I can't write anymore now.

Heidi said...

I saw your reply on Ro's blog, simple and to the point...I liked that, so I clicked on your link and here I am..Very Funny entry I'm glad I stopped by.

Ps..I have always wanted to try those energy drinks/red bull etc before a workout..I guess they do work if u have more than

Jenn said...

You always make me laugh. So much. Thanks.

M and G said...

Found you on Rosies Blog, you are hilarious!
Thanks for the laughs. I will be reading more from you!