I have a young cousin who I spend a lot of quality time with. I also spend a lot of not really that quality of time with her in many a movie theater. If there is a kid movie out, we’re seeing it. And we’re finishing the bag of popcorn before the movie even starts. (This talent is obviously genetic.)
I find these kids' movies quite amusing. Not only because of their storyline or fun songs, but also because they usually star some actor that I’ve seen previously in some profanity/nudity/violence laced project in the past. And it seems quite bizarre to me to now see them getting kicked in the groin and giving group hugs.
I just saw an ad for the DVD release of “Are We There Yet?”. Didja see this movie when it was out in the theaters? No? Well, you didn’t miss much. You missed kids puking and people falling and oh, yeah, you missed Ice Cube decide he wants to be warm and fuzzy. What the?
The whole time I was watching this movie I kept hearing Cube’s rap song, “Today I didn’t even have to use my A-K, I have to say it was a good day.” How on earth did we get from A-K’s to being head first into the sunroof of a spinning Escalade? Where did Cube go wrong? “Today I got my head stuck in an Escalade, I have to say I hope I’m getting paid.”
Then I was watching that ice skating movie with Some Teenage Actress and Kim Catrell. This was another one I was having trouble with. Kim Catrell will forever be Samantha from Sex in the City to me. I have seen every inch of her body in every possible contortion on that show. And now I’m supposed to buy her as a mean ice skating coach with a heart of gold? Please.
It took me the first three years of Sex and the City to stop thinking of her as the Mannequin from that movie ‘Mannequin’. Every time she came on the screen I started singing, “Take it through the good times, see it through the bad times, whatever it takes is what I’m gonna do!” God that was a great movie. Why don’t they make great crap movies like that anymore?
Probably because all the crap actors are too busy rehearsing their “very special moment” and icing their groin.
I find these kids' movies quite amusing. Not only because of their storyline or fun songs, but also because they usually star some actor that I’ve seen previously in some profanity/nudity/violence laced project in the past. And it seems quite bizarre to me to now see them getting kicked in the groin and giving group hugs.
I just saw an ad for the DVD release of “Are We There Yet?”. Didja see this movie when it was out in the theaters? No? Well, you didn’t miss much. You missed kids puking and people falling and oh, yeah, you missed Ice Cube decide he wants to be warm and fuzzy. What the?
The whole time I was watching this movie I kept hearing Cube’s rap song, “Today I didn’t even have to use my A-K, I have to say it was a good day.” How on earth did we get from A-K’s to being head first into the sunroof of a spinning Escalade? Where did Cube go wrong? “Today I got my head stuck in an Escalade, I have to say I hope I’m getting paid.”
Then I was watching that ice skating movie with Some Teenage Actress and Kim Catrell. This was another one I was having trouble with. Kim Catrell will forever be Samantha from Sex in the City to me. I have seen every inch of her body in every possible contortion on that show. And now I’m supposed to buy her as a mean ice skating coach with a heart of gold? Please.
It took me the first three years of Sex and the City to stop thinking of her as the Mannequin from that movie ‘Mannequin’. Every time she came on the screen I started singing, “Take it through the good times, see it through the bad times, whatever it takes is what I’m gonna do!” God that was a great movie. Why don’t they make great crap movies like that anymore?
Probably because all the crap actors are too busy rehearsing their “very special moment” and icing their groin.
1 comment:
I am glad you wrote about this. It is unnerving as an adult to watch "Shrek" and know that the main voice is the same man who drank poo, shagged like crazy and had many a sexual innuendo in "Austin Powers", as well as Antonio Banderas who got very naked and very sexual with Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin", Eddie Murphy as the Donkey is one of the most foul-mouthed comics in history, and Cameron Diaz, the girl who took hair gel off Ben Stiller's ear in "There's Something about Mary" and told Tom Cruise she ingested his hair gel in the name of love in "Vanilla Why". These are all things to NOT think about when you are watching a kid's movie. Why, in the name of Criminey, do these major actors with major careers have to do animated films anyway? Aren't there enough out of work voice-over actors (no, I am not one of them) that can do these voices without having to convince the agents of David Schwimmer, Chris Rock and other well-paid performers to take their jobs? If "Mike Tingley" did the voice of Shrek instead of "Mike Myers" would kids really care? Of course not...they are kids. They just want to say "again" when it's over.
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