Wednesday, July 13, 2005


A work meeting took me near the home of a family member the other day. I knew that two of my younger cousins were hanging out at the house that day, so I called my aunt to see if the kids were available to get some ice cream. She told me that she had just sent them down to Taco Bell for lunch, but I could catch up with them there.

By the time I got to Taco Bell they were done eating.

Me: “Hey guys.”
Kid #1: “Hey.”
Kid #2: “Hey.”
Me: “You done eating?”
Kid #1: “Yeah, we’re soooooo full.”
Kid #2: “We ate sooooo much food.”
Me: “Oh that’s too bad, I was going to take you to ice cream. But if you’re too full….”
Both Kids: “Oh no! We’re not full!”
Me: “You just said you’re soooooo full.”
Kid #1: “Well, we’re soooo full of FOOD. And ice cream is basically just milk, right? So that’s like a drink. We have room for a drink.”
Kid #2: “Yes, plenty of room for milk.”

So I took them to the ice cream store. Because they are not my children, and that’s what you do with kids that aren’t yours – you feed them crappy food. And then you return them.

Kid #1: “Hey Dawn this is the ice cream store with the Papa Murphy’s next to it. Remember last week when we were here you went in and bought that container of cookie dough?”
Me:“Yes, and it’s gone already. Maybe I should get some more.”
Kid #2: “You know what I’m going to do when I grow up? I’m going to buy cookie dough and eat it without cooking it, just take a spoon and eat it.”
Kid #3: “That’s what Dawn does.”
Kid #2: Awed silence.
Me: “Yeah, who has time to bake? The cookie dough tastes better.”
Kid #2: “My mom says I can’t eat it cause it has raw eggs in it.”
Me: “A little e coli never hurt anyone.”

Kids order ice cream.

Kid #2: “Are you going to get some cookie dough?”
Me: “I don’t know.”

Kids are eating ice cream.

Kid #2: “Maybe you could get some cookie dough?”
Me: “I’m not going home after this, I wouldn’t have anywhere to keep it cool.”
Kid #2: “We could eat it all in the car.”
(is it a surprise to anyone that this kid is related to me?)

We are walking back to the car.

Kid #2: “Pleeeeeaaaase, let’s get cookie dough.”
Me: “In the last hour you’ve gorged yourself on Taco Bell and ice cream. If you eat anything else you are going to puke.”
Kid #2: “It would totally be worth puking.”
Me: “No it would not. You don’t want to puke on something as good as cookie dough, cause then you will forever associate it with puking and won’t be able to eat it again.”
Kid #1: “That’s not true. I’ve puked up LOT’S of things. And I still eat them.”
Kid #2: “Yeah, let’s puke!!”

Kids rock.


Pilsbury Doughboy said...

How sweet of you to encourage kids to endure a little ecoli every now and then...haven't we all? Yes, I was going to say, these sound like YOUR kids, with the rationalizing that ice cream is really a liquid and not food. Sounds exactly like something you would say.

You are revered by them because you eat raw cookie dough. Hey, now you know what to get all of them as a gift - a vat of cookie dough. They will think that rocks more than a PS2, new cell phone or computer. :-)

Dean said...

Christmas presents must be a joy at your home!

Anonymous said...

You remind me of a epidode of "Lost"! You left us hanging, not knowing if you bought cookie dough or not, or if they puked! I guess we'll be updated later?...

dawn said...

Yes. Just like LOST.

LOST would hold my attention more if it involved more cookie dough and less mysterious numbers.

I did not get the cookie dough. Because my roommate threatened my life if I brought home another tub of calories for her to be tempted by.

And I didn't want kids puking in my car.