Tuesday, July 26, 2005

We’re Still Old

It’s Week #2 for our (Attempting to Play) Soccer Team. Conditions have not improved. We’re like the Bad News Bears. Only we cuss more.

Good News: We all survived last week.
Bad News: Two of our players visited the hospital and/or doctor after last week’s game and were advised by their health professionals to not play this week.
Badder News: Two of the players that were actually GOING to play were still limping from last week.

Good News: We had just enough people to play. Five on the field and one in goal.
Bad News: None of us learned how to play goalie in the past week.

Good News: We started off strong.
Bad News: After two minutes one of our forwards pulled her quad muscles and could no longer move.

Good News: Because we had no subs our injured forward moved (very slowly) to the goalie position. Because that was the only position that didn’t require actual movement.
Bad News: We already had one of the limping girls playing goalie.
Badder News: It turns out the goalie position actually does require some movement.

Good News: Our goalie did make one stop.
Bad News: Our goalie making even one stop was such a big event that our ENTIRE team started clapping when she picked up the ball.

Good News: We have all known each other for over a decade.
Bad News: This kind of closeness leads to many encouraging comments like, “Dude, where are you GOING? The ball is over THERE!” and “You have GOT to be kidding me!” and “Oh CRAP…” (from our goalie, every time the other team touched the ball, no matter where they were on the field) and my favorite, “What’s WRONG with you?!!”

Good News: The other team scored 2 less goals on us than last week.
Bad News: That’s cause we forfeited after the first half.

Good News: We can’t really get any worse than this game.
Bad News: Technically we CAN get even older by next week though…


Brandy Chastain said...

Maybe you should take up video soccer. It might be more fun for everyone. You can eat snacks, engage in less dangerous physical movement and you might actually win a game. You didn't even mention the blistering Mid-California heat and humidity! I guess that's how bad everything else really is during the soccer games. I hope for the sake of your knee that it's over soon and you can rest - just in time for the new TV season!

dawn said...

That's not a bad idea. ALTHOUGH, we are OLD and therefore are unable to play any video games that are more complicated than Pong.

Oh, and dork, we are playing INDOOR soccer. Because although we are old, we are not stupid. It is hotter than a monkey's ass outside, we can't be playing outside. As if we need to add heat stroke to our list of ailments...

Pelé said...

DWEEB. You never said indoor in any of your posts, and since soccer is an outdoor sport (usually) I thought it odd you weren't sweating to death. I think they have a pong version of soccer. Isn't that what pong is, really? One-on-one soccer with digital slashes and a blip?

jaime said...

Well, I find it rather amusing that you thought the other team scored two less goals than last week. In actuality the score was 10 to 1, the ref stopped keeping score after 6 goal were made. He let some of know after the game what the actual score was (10-1). HOW PATHETIC!!!!!!!!! OLD is just a small piece of our problem.

dawn said...

Seriously? 10? That is pathetic.l

But at least we scored 1 this week. That's better than last week, right? At this rate our soccer games are going to end up having football scores.

Our team will be lucky to get a field goal.