Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Let’s Get Physical-Physical

Okay, so as I mentioned in a previous blog I’ve recently been rearranging furniture. This process resulted in an old entertainment unit in my hallway. The unit needed to be disposed of, but it weighed approximately 5,000 pounds so I was unable to move by myself. Plus I live in a two story Victorian house with very high ceilings. Which means the stairs to the second floor have to go at an approximately 90 degree angle to get up to the second floor. Which makes moving furniture up and down the stairs ever so fun.

My hope was that I could find the various nails and screws in the entertainment center and take it apart piece by piece. But when I found the screws they had no interest at all in coming out. So then I thought since the furniture was so old, and barely staying together, that I might be able to push it from side to side and cause it to become a parallelogram and then eventually a pile of wood. So there I am in my hallway engaging in a very violent pushing match with my entertainment center. To no avail. The piece did not crumble. It did weaken however. But that was little use to me. I would have to wait until The Roommate returned from her weekend getaway so that she could help me move the thing down the stairs.

When The Roommate returned she had little to no interest in assisting in the moving process, so the entertainment center remained in our tiny hallway. Then tonight The Roommate returned from drinking quite a bit of wine and decided this to be an excellent time to move furniture. She seemed very enthusiastic and was even singing “Let’s Get Physical, Physical” over and over again. I wondered if it was a good idea to have a drunk girl in flip flops moving furniture. I told her to put some tennis shoes on – that should help.

So we sllllllooooowwwwllllllyyyy started making our way down these stairs:

The furniture was ridiculously heavy and creaking and quite cumbersome. But at least The Roommate had the spirit to keep singing “Let’s Get Physical, Phsyical” throughout the process. Getting the entertainment unit down the stairs was basically of combination inertia and falling and “Do you have it?” “No, do you have it?” “I think the wall has it.” “Are you okay?” “I don’t have it.” “Why did I think this was a good idea?” “Because you’re drunk.” “Oh, then I definitely don’t have it.” Yet, we somehow made it to the bottom of the stairs. At which point The Roommate began to reevaluate her decision to perform manual labor while intoxicated.

We had to take a moment so that she could avoid getting ill. I was a bit worried. We had managed to get the furniture right in front of our front door. If we stopped now I didn’t want to think about how long it would be before either one of us was drunk enough to want to move it all the way down our porch steps and out to the dumpster across the street.

But following a few deep breaths and another “Let’s Get Physical, Physical” The Roommate caught her second wind and was ready to roll.

We decided to pick up the furniture and carry it out the front door. This was short-lived and we then decided to return to our tried and true “sliding/falling down the stairs” method we had perfected just moments ago. So we were sliding, one stair at a time and then we finally got one end on the solid ground.

How exciting!

It was at this point that we heard a series of popping sounds, followed by some cracking sounds and then some, “Oh $@#&*!!” sounds. And then the entire entertainment unit disintegrated in our very hands. I swear to god, it just collapsed. All the pieces decided at that very moment that they were done being connected to each other and wanted to try things out as individual pieces of wood.

We are available for all your moving needs…

We don’t charge much. But you do have to get us drunk enough to actually want to move your stuff.


Patricia said...

that staircase is beautiful. in a scary, potential-broken-leg sort of way.

Toni said...

Ok, so that is the last time, I give you furniture!

Bob Vila said...

It's at times like this the Latin Laborers standing outside of Home Depot start to look like a good option. The other unanswered question is, how did the rest of the rearranging furniture go in the bedroom (please provide pictures).

roommate said...

I have one thing to say....Good times...good times!

Dean said...

Thank the Lord on High I just finished moving four pickup loads of stuff last weekend. I say thank you, becasue I just read this today. Can't imagine what my things would have looked like with the help from both of you.

Then again, I could have bought new furniture, after starting a website on "Drunk Girls Moving Furniutre". The pictures would have been classic.

Glad to hear your entertainment center is gone, so to speak, and that you both survived.

drunk friend said... is hard enough to walk down those stairs drunk (or sober), let alone carrying your entertainment center. You guys are crazy! :)