I wrote the following post about a Nameless Friend of mine. After reading the post she had a rebuttal. It is at the end of the post...
A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, decided a couple years ago that she was madly in love with a boy. She had known this boy for approximately twenty-five minutes and she was convinced that she was going to marry him and live happily ever after. She instantly started perusing the web for the best wedding rings and dresses. During her time online she entered her name and wedding date into many a wedding website.
Then after about forty-five minutes of knowing Mr. Wonderful she realized that he was in fact Mr. Really Big Jackass. This put a damper on the wedding plans and an end to her online wedding research. However, as it turns out, the internet does not forget so easily…
It seems that one of these sites where she entered her info likes to send out periodic e-mails congratulating the happy couple on their various anniversaries. So even though she called off the wedding, told everyone that the guy was a Really Big Jackass, and tried to put the whole thing behind her she still gets an e-mail every few months saying, “Happy (insert number of months) Anniversary!!”
It’s horrible.
And quite hilarious.
Today she got the “Happy 15 Month Anniversary!!” that read: “You’ve been married 470 days!” And then it offered advice on how to merge two living styles into one happy couple. That’s helpful. You know what would be even more helpful? Not being reminded of your failed relationships via e-mail every few months. Could you imagine – “Happy 15 Month Anniversary of Your Heart Breaking!!” “Your train-wreck of a relationship ended 470 days ago!!” Good times.
The advice kills me though, I’m convinced it’s written by 85 year-old woman:
“Replace the hot-pink single-gal pillows on the sofa with more gender-neutral solid brown and understated floral versions.” You know why a girl with hot-pink pillows is single? Cause she’s 13 years old. What adult woman has hot-pink pillows? Seriously.
“Replace your guy’s favorite recliner with a swanky, upscale-looking model that cleverly conceals all of the mechanisms that make it function.” I have a lot of straight, single male friends and not one of them owns a beat up recliner. Because most of my straight, single male friends are actually trying to get laid by straight, single women.
So basically this website offers complete useless advice to married people and serves as a periodic reminder of bad relationship choices to those who ran like hell from the chapel.
My god, what did we do before the internet?
A rebuttal from Nameless Friend:
Um, as the individual in question getting sent the e-mails, might I make a few corrections?
First - I knew him for at least an hour.
Second - it was not as if "DECIDED" I was going to marry him independently. We looked at rings. He talked to my dad.
Third - I did not put my name in many website. I put it in ONE FREAKING WEBSITE (the Knot)- which is apparently the ONE FREAKING WEBSITE that sends monthly e-mails.
Fourth - I tried several times to be removed from the list. I called. I e-mailed. I bitched.
Fifth - and most important - he is not just a jack-ass. He was a man-whore.
The rest of the story is true.
Then after about forty-five minutes of knowing Mr. Wonderful she realized that he was in fact Mr. Really Big Jackass. This put a damper on the wedding plans and an end to her online wedding research. However, as it turns out, the internet does not forget so easily…
It seems that one of these sites where she entered her info likes to send out periodic e-mails congratulating the happy couple on their various anniversaries. So even though she called off the wedding, told everyone that the guy was a Really Big Jackass, and tried to put the whole thing behind her she still gets an e-mail every few months saying, “Happy (insert number of months) Anniversary!!”
It’s horrible.
And quite hilarious.
Today she got the “Happy 15 Month Anniversary!!” that read: “You’ve been married 470 days!” And then it offered advice on how to merge two living styles into one happy couple. That’s helpful. You know what would be even more helpful? Not being reminded of your failed relationships via e-mail every few months. Could you imagine – “Happy 15 Month Anniversary of Your Heart Breaking!!” “Your train-wreck of a relationship ended 470 days ago!!” Good times.
The advice kills me though, I’m convinced it’s written by 85 year-old woman:
“Replace the hot-pink single-gal pillows on the sofa with more gender-neutral solid brown and understated floral versions.” You know why a girl with hot-pink pillows is single? Cause she’s 13 years old. What adult woman has hot-pink pillows? Seriously.
“Replace your guy’s favorite recliner with a swanky, upscale-looking model that cleverly conceals all of the mechanisms that make it function.” I have a lot of straight, single male friends and not one of them owns a beat up recliner. Because most of my straight, single male friends are actually trying to get laid by straight, single women.
So basically this website offers complete useless advice to married people and serves as a periodic reminder of bad relationship choices to those who ran like hell from the chapel.
My god, what did we do before the internet?
A rebuttal from Nameless Friend:
Um, as the individual in question getting sent the e-mails, might I make a few corrections?
First - I knew him for at least an hour.
Second - it was not as if "DECIDED" I was going to marry him independently. We looked at rings. He talked to my dad.
Third - I did not put my name in many website. I put it in ONE FREAKING WEBSITE (the Knot)- which is apparently the ONE FREAKING WEBSITE that sends monthly e-mails.
Fourth - I tried several times to be removed from the list. I called. I e-mailed. I bitched.
Fifth - and most important - he is not just a jack-ass. He was a man-whore.
The rest of the story is true.
1 comment:
Its not that I didn't like her. Her dad threatened to damage me if I didn't walk away.
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