Sunday, July 17, 2005

Wedding DD

I have a group of friends from high school. There’s about 20 of us that all still hang out. It’s great. And it leads to a LOT of weddings between the ages of 25 and 30. We are becoming quite good at these wedding things. Pretty soon, I’m sure we’ll have a choreographed number prepared for all the common wedding songs. It will be like a Broadway show. Only with a lot of alcohol and cake added in for kicks.

This weekend two of the group of 20 got married. This is helpful, the inner-marrying. It cuts down on the number of weddings (and more importantly wedding presents).

There was an open bar at the wedding. And many intoxicated friends. Who needed a ride home. I didn’t drink, so I agreed to take some home. Have you ever been in a car with 6 drunk people? Not only is it tremendously legal in a car that only fits 4 passengers, it’s also quite loud as well. Why do drunk people have to yell EVERYTHING? Adding to the mix is the fact that we’ve all known each other since we were like 13, so there’s always the risk that we will revert to that age at any given moment. Alcohol assists that reverting…

“You can’t fit in here!”
“I have to fit in here! You’re going to my house!”
“Have him sit in the very back!”
“He’s already sitting back there! Two won’t fit!”
“They have to fit!”
“Can we go to Taco Bell?!”
“Dude, you’re like laying on top of me! Watch your feet!”
“Where do you want me to put my feet?!”
“Not there! Ouch! Not there either!”
“Hold up the sheet so no one can see you out the back window!”
“No one can see us!”
“You mean besides the people in the car behind us?!”
“Fine! Get off the sheet! Ouch! Careful with your feet man!”
“You are all invited to our wedding next year, it will be so fun!”
“Put the CD in that they gave us as a party favor!”
(CD playing most bizarre, middle-aged song ever)
“I have known both the bride and the groom 15 years and I’ve never heard either one of them mention this song!”
“I kinda want Taco Bell!”
“I don’t feel well!”
“You’re drunk!”
“Oh, I’M drunk?! And you’re sober?!”
“At least I’m not holding a sheet!”
“At least I’m not in a wet t-shirt contest!”
“Whoa! That’s not fair! You can’t bring up things from that long ago!”
“You should totally be proud of that!”
“Be proud of dancing around with a wet shirt?!”
“You won the contest!”
“Thatta girl! I can’t believe I missed it!”
“You weren’t there?!”
“Uh, no!”
“Like at all?!”
“The girls went to Mexico for their senior trip and the guys went to Hawaii!”
“Don’t you think I’d remember?!”
“I’d think I’d remember!”
“Where is the nearest Taco Bell?!”
“Oh, no! There’s a Highway Patrol!”
“Everyone look sober!”
“Look like you aren’t sitting on top of each other!”
“Hold up the sheet!”
“He’s not going to pull us over! He can’t see us!”
“How can he not see us?! Just cause you close your eyes doesn’t mean you are invisible! Glass windows! See through!”
“Why don’t you all be quiet?! There’s a Highway Patrol!”
“The Highway Patrol can’t HEAR us!”
“You are all uninvited to our wedding!”
“I think I just saw a Taco Bell!”
“Oh my god, it’s only 11 pm! How am I this drunk and it’s still so early!”
“You started drinking at 5!”
“I can’t wait till the next wedding in two weeks!”
“Can you drive again Dawn?!”
“Only if you buy me one of those new Crunch Wraps at Taco Bell. And a Coke.”


Biotress said...

I came across your blog by hitting the "next" button and just thought I would say "hi."

Shotgun passenger! said...

I heart drunk taco bell!!! :)

Anonymous said...

That was pretty fucking funny Dawn, but in all seriousness, can't wait to see you all at our wedding next year!!
Ha Ha, did you tape record us?
Can you drive next weekend???