So I sleep weird. As I’ve mentioned previously, I can’t hear, so I just have to wake myself up in the morning, without the help of an alarm. I think this has disrupted my sleeping patterns over the years and now I wake up about 10 times during the night, just to check the clock, and make sure I’m not oversleeping for something. I’ve also been known to sleep walk a little. You know, get up in a half-sleep and think it’s time to go wherever it is I’m supposed to go in the morning. Usually I wake myself up before I actually get dressed or anything. But sometimes I don’t. I am probably the only person in America who locks her bedroom door for the purpose of keeping herself in, instead of keeping the bad guys out.
So all of this is to explain my actions the other night.
I was up late working on work. Which is something that is becoming quite a regular occurrence. Because I’ve been working so much my carpel tunnel has been killing me. In addition to wearing my attractive hand brace while working, it also helps to wear it while I’m sleeping. So before I go to bed I plug my cell phone into its charger on the nightstand, then I put the arm brace on, affixing the four Velcro straps and tuck myself in. (Why did Word just capitalize the word Velcro? Is it a brand name? Like Kleenex? Hey look, it did it to Kleenex too. Who knew Velcro was a brand name? What else would you call it, if not Velcro? You can call Kleenex tissue or something, if it’s the generic brand, but what would you call Velcro? Discuss.)
ANYWAYS…
So I wake up in the morning and find that the arm brace is no longer on my arm. And it’s nowhere around me either. I wonder what happened to it and where I put it when I decided to take it off in the middle of the night. Cause I had to have taken it off, there’s no way it could have fallen off. I’m not too concerned, as I’m sure it will turn up. Then I reach for my phone on the nightstand, to see if there are any messages yet this morning. But the phone is not there. Hmmm. I look all around the bed for it, on the ground, behind the bed. Nowhere to be found. Now I’m a little concerned. It seems someone has broken into my room and stolen my arm brace and my phone. But left my TV and computer. They must have carpel tunnel too. And needed to make a phone call.
So I get up to find the house phone, so that I can call my phone. I am not looking forward to this, as I’m sure that the cell phone is on vibrate, which makes it ever so much fun to try to find. On my way out of my room I trip over my arm brace, which has been thrown across the room and has landed in front of the door. Apparently I was done wearing the brace at some point during the night and I felt the need to get it as far away from me as possible.
I grab the house phone and call my cell phone. I then proceed to lay my entire body on my bed, my floor and various piles throughout the room. This is an effort to feel the phone while it is vibrating. It’s not a frustrating process at all.
So on about the third call to my phone (I actually left myself messages, which is actually kinda sad) I hear the phone vibrating somewhere. But I can’t find it. I search the room for the sound. A hearing impaired girl chasing a sound – quite effective, let me tell you.
Finally I narrow the sound down to my nightstand, which seems weird as the phone is not on the nightstand. But…I open the nightstand drawer and find that I have hidden the phone in the drawer, beneath a pile of magazines.
I think a psychologist could have a field day with this whole scenario. My subconscious is apparently taking things into its own hands and is now throwing the brace off and hiding the phone so that no clients can call and give me any more work.
Now if only my subconscious would smarten up a little and just start DOING the work while I’m sleeping…that would be a lot more helpful.
So all of this is to explain my actions the other night.
I was up late working on work. Which is something that is becoming quite a regular occurrence. Because I’ve been working so much my carpel tunnel has been killing me. In addition to wearing my attractive hand brace while working, it also helps to wear it while I’m sleeping. So before I go to bed I plug my cell phone into its charger on the nightstand, then I put the arm brace on, affixing the four Velcro straps and tuck myself in. (Why did Word just capitalize the word Velcro? Is it a brand name? Like Kleenex? Hey look, it did it to Kleenex too. Who knew Velcro was a brand name? What else would you call it, if not Velcro? You can call Kleenex tissue or something, if it’s the generic brand, but what would you call Velcro? Discuss.)
ANYWAYS…
So I wake up in the morning and find that the arm brace is no longer on my arm. And it’s nowhere around me either. I wonder what happened to it and where I put it when I decided to take it off in the middle of the night. Cause I had to have taken it off, there’s no way it could have fallen off. I’m not too concerned, as I’m sure it will turn up. Then I reach for my phone on the nightstand, to see if there are any messages yet this morning. But the phone is not there. Hmmm. I look all around the bed for it, on the ground, behind the bed. Nowhere to be found. Now I’m a little concerned. It seems someone has broken into my room and stolen my arm brace and my phone. But left my TV and computer. They must have carpel tunnel too. And needed to make a phone call.
So I get up to find the house phone, so that I can call my phone. I am not looking forward to this, as I’m sure that the cell phone is on vibrate, which makes it ever so much fun to try to find. On my way out of my room I trip over my arm brace, which has been thrown across the room and has landed in front of the door. Apparently I was done wearing the brace at some point during the night and I felt the need to get it as far away from me as possible.
I grab the house phone and call my cell phone. I then proceed to lay my entire body on my bed, my floor and various piles throughout the room. This is an effort to feel the phone while it is vibrating. It’s not a frustrating process at all.
So on about the third call to my phone (I actually left myself messages, which is actually kinda sad) I hear the phone vibrating somewhere. But I can’t find it. I search the room for the sound. A hearing impaired girl chasing a sound – quite effective, let me tell you.
Finally I narrow the sound down to my nightstand, which seems weird as the phone is not on the nightstand. But…I open the nightstand drawer and find that I have hidden the phone in the drawer, beneath a pile of magazines.
I think a psychologist could have a field day with this whole scenario. My subconscious is apparently taking things into its own hands and is now throwing the brace off and hiding the phone so that no clients can call and give me any more work.
Now if only my subconscious would smarten up a little and just start DOING the work while I’m sleeping…that would be a lot more helpful.
1 comment:
Sounds like you have a whole other life when you go off to slumber. Now if you could only remember what the hell you did in that life! You probably watch reality tv, eat salsa and chips and drive people to Taco Bell there too, while occasionally tossing an arm brace at someone who tries wake you up, or hide your cell phone so you don't have to pick up drunk people at 1:45 a.m.
Hey, here's a thought - maybe you should hire someone to sleep in bed with you, with the sole purpose of shaking you awake. This way you don't have to wake up 10 times a night to check your clock and live in the world of disorientia. Yes I know, that is not a word, I know. Don't go off on me about a ridiculous word.
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