Thursday, July 07, 2005

Signs

Signs that a client might not be the highest quality:

1. Two months after billing them a mere $150 they still haven’t paid you.

2. In order to get the mere $150 you decide to go to one of their events and ask them for it. (You think of sending a large man named Bubba to go, but realize Bubba probably charges at least $200)

3. When you get there you find that the “Vice President” is manning the snack bar.

4. When the VP sees you he immediately offers you VIP seats to the event. (see #5 for how unquality this is)

5. The “VIP” seats turn out to be “soccer mom” chairs that fold up and fit in your trunk.

6. They don’t even have cup holders.

7. The VP offers you a free t-shirt, as you designed them.

8. When you ask for a Size Medium he says they only come in XXL.

9. When you ask for the money you are owed he says he has to call “The Money Lady”.

10. When you follow him to find “The Money Lady” you see that she too is manning the snack bar.

11. He grabs $150 in cash out of the register and hands it to you.

12. Their Accounting Department and the Slurpees are in the same location.


If the Accounting Department I used to work in had nachos I never would have left.

7 comments:

Slurpee VP said...

Whew. For a moment there, I thought you were going to write something about how you changed your mind about that movie "Signs", and talk about how much you loved it and watched it in a double-feature with "Vanilla Sky".

That being said, it's a good thing you got your $150.00. Perhaps, from this point on, you can employ a 50% up front 50% upon completion payment plan, just in case they flake on you you'll get some of the money. If you inflate your rates to be double your costs, at least you'll break even when no one pays you.

As a sidenote that has nothing to do with this blog at all, and for the sake of saving an e-mail....I got a brand new car and am picking it up tomorrow. Very exciting, indeed.

dawn said...

speaking of things that might not be that quality...where exactly did you "buy" your car if you have to go "pick it up"?

please don't say craigslist.

Dean said...

Hey...sounds like you made out with interest!

You got your $150.00 AND vip seats and a t-shirt. You did take the XXL didn't you? Not that you would ever see the day you could fill it out, but hey - freebie!

Non-Blog subject matter said...

Always the dark side with you...!!!

NO I would never buy a car on Craigs list. It's a NEW Accord 2005 that they had to deliver from another dealer. Next time you visit, there will be A/C galore and plenty of legroom. Oh, and no more shifting in LA traffic. Life just got better by about 500%.

I apologize to other blog readers in advance for this non-blog related transference of information.

dawn said...

I do have quite a dark side. But it usually only comes out in LA traffic.

I'm quite happy for you and your automatic, a/c-ed, legroom-ed car. But mostly I'm happy for the new car smell you will be enjoying.

And don't knock craigslist. I bought a bike on there 9 months ago. And as soon as I get around to riding it I'm sure it will work fine.

Kevin said...

Hello, at the top of the web page is a button "next blog." Today I was a little bored and pressed that button like 30 times and came across yours. I read the first post, and I thought it was well written and very funny, so I just kept reading and then finally I had to break down and leave a comment when I got to your Maury post...I'll keep reading. Kevin

Anonymous said...

Too bad old Keven isn't a movie producer. --bl